Since many seemed uninterested in participating in the mindless banter of recounting some profound resolution that we've made up and practiced to not be caught off guard when the annoying new year resolution question's sprung on us, I thought'd I spice it up.
20 Hard Lessons Learned in the Past Year
1. Burn out is a real phenomenon!
2. Do it now because tomorrow is already late; and two weeks after that is definitely late.
3. Pay attention to details; the mirco is just as alluring as the clouds upon which I frequently floated to.
4. The lover I was seeking was me; “I got myself to remind me of love” Frankie Beverly and Maze “Happy Feelings”.
5. Call the small crack-ups—crack-ups; otherwise an earthquake will strike.
6. Know how you fit those genes; there are things from your parents that stay with you; know them.
7. Keep reminders (of your divinity) everywhere!: Key chains, the fortunes from the fortune cookies you collect, on your wall, in your office, above your mirror, on your neck—everywhere
8. Got a heavy pain-body, and it reeks! Turned many off the past year—was walking out of present and in a wounded me; folks really wanted to like me but were like, rightfully so, “this feels weird.” Allusion to Eckhart Tolle, I am sure noticed.
9. Trouble saying it? Sing it! Carrie, a college friend and inter-faith minister, with wise spiritual counsel asked me to hold the note “Ah” when I started having trouble putting my emotional state or feelings into words. It worked; the deep sorrow I felt stuttered out in tone.
10. Summer of transformation: “The summer was the hurricane that went through our lives; how close have we’ve become.” [Journal entry September 4th, 2011]
11. Need structure! I am most creative and productive in form; I am comfortable with bringing to it the formless.
12. Trust your ground work. Gloria Rodriquez in sharing her journey completing her first book, You Are More than Good Enough, talked about getting to a place ready to start but not knowing what to write about—thinking she needed another course in this or that. Gloria got a tug from the Divine: Write about what you’re experiencing now—what is coming up for you in writing this book. By experiencing now, of course, that means her histories, expertise, experience, followers, practices; what she knows; all that she’s been up to and in this moment—the multitudes from which she always has access. Her ground.
13. Check-in with yourself even for the most whimsical of things; this is one of the first steps toward quality boundary making—familiarizing yourself with your needs, even the most quietest ones. One morning before work, I spent a whole 6 minutes—360 seconds—on whether the gum ball coming out the square dispenser with multi-colored balls was the one from which I wanted to deposit my quarter as opposed to the taller swirly one with the spherical dispenser and only white balls. I chose the swirly one.
14. Anxiety is deafening; the quote that worry is a poor use of imagination really resonated in becoming conscious that I have taken on the anxiety of my mother. Every day, in one way, for some reason or another, during that time, the world felt like it was going to end. That world was muted. Touched with gloves.
15. Fill up your gas tank, and don’t nickel and dime it; this as a metaphor for my whole car buying experience and fiasco beginning April 2011. A car has been a silent financial drain in that I was under-calculating what it really cost to have the car and coming up a bit tight every month. For example, with larger benchmarks—seeing how long it takes me to use a tank during a busy two weeks—I could see where $45 dollars went versus $10 or $15. This prevented me from really putting a dent in eliminating travel-related expenditures. For those not detail oriented, we need to see bigger numbers.
16. Poly people have boundaries; just different than the culture of compulsive monogamy. Much of my borders have to do with consent and genuine honesty, really. Here’s a Facebook post shared October 2011 to help shade light into the dangers of moving in the intimate realm with disregard: “As one who is poly, folks assume I am without boundary. Does one jump into the middle of the ocean because it's wide open? You must know something of the sea--its rules-- before you just dive or else you might be swallowed.”
17. Under-promise, over-deliver; got too close to the inverse way too many times uncharacteristically; enough said.
18. Activism can act funny; a partner in my master mind group quoted, she remembers, T.D. Jakes sharing: “Find those for what you are for; versus those who are against what you are against. Find those who are for you.” Our intimate and political worlds are inverses from our friendship circles to organizations—integrity is being in justice practices when you think no one is looking—and also when your comrade is looking at or to you.
19. Listening our way into wholeness or brokenness; a spiritual practitioner and friend of mine named O facilitated a deep listening session with me in September 2011 where she asked few but pointed questions and mostly allowed me to talk without interruption, with focused attention and parroting. Occasionally there would be body movement stuff. One session, learning about setting healthy boundaries and my struggles in doing such as a sexual assault survivor, O got up and placed a teddy bear in my lap and sat back down. I get to blabbing and blabbing and at some point O asks why I did not move the bear—especially if I did not want it on my lap. “Well, what would have been the alternative?” I ask. To that O replied: “Move it.”
Stuff like that.
20. When your body deems your state or maturity most ready—could be the result of some psychological, spiritual, financial, emotion sense of stability—to handle all that you have consciously and unconsciously asked it to hold, it will deliver that baby right onto your hands, wherever you are—convenient or not.
You will ultimately call that moment—miracle.
*In my case, that baby was: Childhood trauma, rage, broken heartedness, self-loathing, swallowed creative expression, assault and a ferocious magic within looking to take wing.
12 Guide Posts for the New Year
This Wellness blog is to share the author's trials and triumphs in becoming more present and centering her daily routines around health practices that build from the inside out.
It is her hope to spark dialogue and resource sharing as well as encouragement for those newly embarking on their journey toward healing all over.
(This is a personal blog with resources for educational purposes only.)